Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be whole, all the body is whole and which, if it be diseased, all of it is diseased. Truly it is the heart!

Late last night, I sat alone, pondering on my past, my present, and my unknown future. My past – my history – will always be the largest and most personal resource of experiences, thoughts, and emotions for self-realization. As I look back I see with complete clarity my evolution through the different phases of my life; every person, trial, and experience has touched me in one way or another and helped form the man I am today. Although I am proud of who I am, I could be better. Greater men before me have always striven for more despite their recognized accomplishments. Through time we attain power; power comes with knowledge and experience. However, coupled with knowledge and power comes responsibility, responsibility to do what is right. In His name I testify that we must do whatever is in our power to make things right.

That brings me to my present; given what I know and believe dictates how I live – or should live – in the present. In the present we are always faced with challenges in life, challenges to the heart and mind. At times the heart and mind are difficult to separate, they function in sync with each other, and other times – particularly with clear matters – it is noticeable as to what one MUST do despite the internal struggle between heart and mind. I am currently facing struggles which weigh heavily on my chest, simply due to the responsibility I feel based on my past experiences and the knowledge I possess. There are those I wish to warn, and those I wish to guide, however I could face negative consequences as a result.

It is during these times where I do not know which to follow, do I follow my heart, or do I follow the logical processing of my mind? The mind surely paves an easier path before me, but the heart, well, seems should be the correct way to go. If you are familiar with me through recent posts and specifically posts I have removed from my past, you will know my fascination with the heart; in His name I follow my heart.

On the authority of Wabisa bin Mabad, may Allah be pleased with him said:

I came to the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and he said: “You have come to ask about righteousness ?” . I said:” Yes.” He said: “Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels tranquil and the heart feels tranquil, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and moves to and from in the breast even though people again and again have given you their legal opinion [in its favor].”

Hadith Hasan transmitted from the Musnads of the two Imams, Ahmed bin Hanbal and Al-Darimi, with a good chain of narration.

Pay attention dear brothers and sisters, “Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels tranquil and the heart feels tranquil, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and moves to and from in the breast even though people again and again have given you their legal opinion [in its favor].”

With this knowledge, and with the lack of tranquility in our breasts, our soul rages for change. How do I go about changing that which I’m currently facing?

On the authority of Abu Saeed Al-Khudari, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say:

“Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest of faith.”

Related by Muslim.

Though I could be weak and change only in my heart that which has caused a stir within me, I would be lying to myself about it being satisfactory. This leads me to my future. Allah has given us all the choice to live freely as we will, every path we choose has a different outcome. I suppose I should always remember that as a general rule, in His name it would always be more rewarding for me to influence change with my hand (i.e. to take action), then in lower rank to make change with my words, and finally within my heart. I ask Allah to give us all the strength to be righteous regardless of the consequences, and to reward us for the good choices we make in this life. In His name Ameen… Allahoma Ameen.

May Allah bless all my brothers & sisters during this holy month of fast practiced by those before us, and may Allah make us of al-muttaqoon (those who are pious)… Ameen. I would like to remind us all of some relevant sayings of Allah (the all Mighty), and His beloved Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him):

“Verily, the number of months with Allaah is twelve months (in a year), so was it ordained by Allaah on the Day when He created the heavens and the earth; of them four are Sacred, (i.e. the 1st, the 7th, the 11th and the 12th months of the Islaamic calendar). That is the right religion, so wrong not yourselves therein, and fight against the Mushrikoon (polytheists, pagans, idolaters, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah) collectively, as they fight against you collectively. But know that Allaah is with those who are Al-Muttaqoon).”
[Sooratut-Tawbah, 9:36]

And,

“The month of ramadaan in which was revealed the Qur’aan, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong). So whoever of you sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of ramadaan i.e. is present at his home), he must observe Saum (fasts) that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number [of days which one did not observe Saum (fasts) must be made up] from other days. Allaah intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you. (He wants that you) must complete the same number (of days), and that you must magnify Allaah [i.e. to say Takbeer (Allaahu Akbar; Allaah is the Most Great) on seeing the crescent of the months of ramadaan and Shawwal]for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him.” [Sooratul-Baqarah 2:185]

Also,

“O you who believe! Observing As-Saum (the fasting) is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqoon.”
[Sooratul-Baqarah 2:183]

Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whoever does not give up forged speech and evil actions, Allah is not in need of his leaving his food and drink (i.e. Allah will not accept his fasting.)” [1]
Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whoever established prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping for a reward from Allaah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven; and whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping for a reward from Allaah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven.”[2]

Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,”Allaah said, ‘All the deeds of Adam’s sons (people) are for them, except fasting which is for Me, and I will give the reward for it.’ Fasting is a shield or protection from the fire and from committing sins. If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarrelling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, ‘I am fasting.’ By Him in Whose Hands my soul is’ The unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. There are two pleasures for the fasting person, one at the time of breaking his fast, and the other at the time when he will meet his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting.”[3]

May Allah reward us all… Ameen!

[1] Related by al-Bukhaaree, (31/1789).
[2] Related by al-Bukhaaree, (31/1787).
[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree, (31/1790).

Some facts. I am in love with someone who is not able to love me back. I am in love with someone set to wed another man. I have a child who needs the type of love that only a nurturing woman can give. I am lonely. I need to love and be loved.

I can hurt now, or I can hurt later. Why not now? Indeed, why not now? She is on her way towards a life of happiness (insha’Allah) with a man who loves her, and whom she loves, and I ask Allah to bless them both. It is time I do the same. But naturally one asks why? What was the point? What purpose did our love serve? Why experience years of hardship to make ‘us’ happen only to let go in the end? After a little time of reflection simplicity arose; life.

Our persons are formed by a bundle of events and emotions experienced through out our lives, and naturally some experiences are pleasant and others extremely difficult to face. However, it is typically the difficult experiences that make us stronger. So why not now? Why don’t I hurt now, only to become stronger for the next time around? I think I will (insha’Allah).

It truly is strange though Subhan Allah, how despite my efforts to orchestrate our love to be all it can be, it was not to happen in this life. As a Muslim I will have faith in what Allah wills for me. However what is important is that we exert our efforts in everything we do in this life to be all we can be. Be all you can be, never lose faith in Allah’s decree no matter how difficult life may seem, and pray for Allah’s aid; as weak slaves we are in need of Him. I ask Allah to ease our suffering, and to replace it with sweetness… Ameen. Ameen. Ameen.

We need Him (subhanaho wa ta’ala). I need Him.

Reminds me from a scene in “The Last Samurai”, where Captain Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise) was practicing the art of the sword with the Samurai Ujio and losing to him repetitively. During the scene Katsumoto’s son Nobutada approaches Captain Algren -with what little English he knows – before the final draw and says “Too many mind”, before further explanation Captain Algren responds with a confused look when Nobutada says:

“Too many mind. Mind the sword. Mind the people watch. Mind the enemy. Too many mind. No mind.”

“Too many mind. No mind.” Wow. So simple, yet so effective; No Mind. Here Nobutada was referring to Captain Algren’s over occupied mind; by running multiple threads of thought it prevented him from focusing on what mattered during the situation. This simple concept can be applied to any decision-making process; in order to ensure avoiding your mind being clouded by emotions, stress, and biased influence, we must avoid “too many mind” (i.e. irrelevant distractions) and aim for “no mind” (i.e. clear and focused mind).

Of late I have been troubled by “too many mind”, but now I must practice the skill of attaining “no mind”.

I have never felt like wanting to be a little boy held close to the chest of a loving woman. To feel safe, secure, and loved is a peaceful state I wish to experience tonight, if only for a moment.

Oh night, will you let me sleep tonight?

Some works of art last through the tests of time, others however have crumbled and faded away into a vague mosaic of bits and pieces. It is the former we all aim to achieve as artists of Love; an artistic relationship of Love. If we approach loving the one we hold so dear to our hearts as artists, you will find that just like art, our hearts and minds function as one to form a blend of creative, beautiful, and loving experiences.

Though skeptical at first, I do believe that an eternal love is possible – though difficult – if truly desired by one of the partners (and not both), however some level of appreciation should exist for each other. Similar to art, it is the artist that inspires his audience, and in a few cases builds solid loyalty, appreciation, and love for him as the maker of his work. As an individual aspiring to become an artist of love, I have personally achieved a level of appreciation from another, but failed however to build the master piece for her. Although I have failed in forming the ultimate blend of loving artwork for her, I know that not every piece will be a Mona Lisa.

But we try, we never give up as artists of Love to aim for that one master piece of our life’s contribution. For those already married to someone, put effort into loving her, think hard about what makes her happy, causes her stomach to flip, and her heart to skip a beat. Make every word mean something, every touch build a craving anticipation of what’s to come next, and every moment in life with you a memorable one.

Will you join me on this movement of artistic Love?

The Prophet said, “Whoever possesses the following three qualities will have the sweetness (delight) of faith:

• The one to whom Allah and His Apostle becomes dearer than anything else.
• Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah’s sake.
• Who hates to revert to Atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the fire.”

It was this very reason – to love the only woman I ever loved for the sake of Allah – that gave me faith in us happening. As Muslims it is more important than the love itself, to love each other not only for the sake of love, but for the sake of Allah. We may love someone for their kindness, beauty, nature, manners, and more, but we love those things in them which are good because it pleases Allah the All Mighty.

We must find it in our hearts that when we love some thing or some one, that we love for the sake of Allah, and attain the sweetness of loving in addition to the sweetness of faith our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) spoke of.

Side note: For my dear friends who contact me through email, I would much rather use facebook to connect insha’Allah… Feel free to add me there and send me your messages… Thanks

Muslim Scribbler | Student of LOVE

Lover's Gaze

But just like any Jihad, it must be performed with righteous intentions & purpose in our hearts to attain a sweet reward. Allah knows of my intentions, and the purposes are many; I respect and honor her and her family’s wishes, I know that although this is a battle that requires sacrifice on my part, the reward (God Willing) shall be great whether attained in this life or the next, and finally the purpose of hope, hope to love and be loved in a manner pleasing to Allah.

Last night I had an extremely long conversation with friends on the dangers we’re facing in these times as husbands and wives, and how cunning iblees and his demonic children have become through thousands of years of experience (may Allah keep us strong). The probability of a marriage failing is unfortunately higher than it being one of true peace & harmony regardless of country, race, culture, or religion; relationships are failing due to weak foundations. However, I strongly do believe that in some cases – though few – weak foundations may be solidified with the right tools. So if you’re in a marriage and sense failure around the corner, give it your all, one, two, three times or more so long as you still have the fight in you to make it work; Jihad comes in many forms, including the struggle for love. However, it is important to acknowledge that some battles simply cannot be won, and that Love is an affair of the heart. We cannot simply ‘create’ Love within anyone, including ourselves.

If a mutual love does exist however, please, wage not only a battle, but a war, so long as your union does not enjoin upon vice. Always respect, honor, and love everyone involved in your struggle to love, pray that Allah blesses your union, and be thankful first to Allah and secondly to those who have blessed your marriage. In the unfortunate case of it not commencing as hoped, always remember that everything from Allah is good, and that you should have no regrets because you gave it your all, and that is all you could have done.

I ask Allah to guide us all to that which is good, and to keep away from us that which is evil. May you all live a life of love. Ameen.

——- I will write in the context of a man loving a woman and not in a gender-independent context, however these signs may (and should) be applied to both men and women ——-

When eyes are locked with one another, it is not merely a reflection of light that your brain interprets into an image of a person being opposite you, it is both a door and a mirror. A door in the sense that her eyes represent a gateway deep into her soul that you will not allow to close for even a second, through this door you hope to unlock and grasp her desires, fears, thoughts, wants, needs, and everything else encompassed within her being because that is what matters to you; she is everything. A mirror in the sense that with every rotation, movement, and direction her eyes lead you follow; fear of breaking this connection unconsciously demands your attention to her. The experience of looking into her eyes gives you greater satisfaction and fulfillment than any physical act of love with the most beautiful woman on earth, because you live love through her.

As she bites from the sweetest fruit ever known to him, he carefully gazes at her lips and teeth gliding away while forming the bite mark into the fruit, and as her lips depart a glimpse of a glistening droplet of saliva breaks away onto the fruit is noticed. He guides her hand that holds the fruit to his lips not because he wants a taste of this sweet product of earth, but because of her contribution to this product; to a man living love it is her he wants to consume by biting the fruit.

When she speaks, he listens. It is almost as though the opening into his ear expands, and the vibrations released from her vocal chords echo deep within him, without any bone, vein, or organ escaping its rippling effect, not because it is forced upon him but because he chooses to listen to her. Though they may differ, he – without any judgement – takes her words to heart because these are her words, the one whom he loves.

Is there a limit to how deep one may fall in love? Is it possible to fall deeper and deeper for the same person forever? I cannot testify that ‘forever’ is possible, but what I can testify to is that it does not end even after a long while, and if the condition to love unconditionally is always met, who’s to say that you cannot continue to fall together forever? From the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep once more (and even through dreams) your life is filled with opportunities to fall in love over and over again. It is winter, the rooms are warm enough only through artificial heating, she is in the cold bathroom taking a hot shower. He is aware of his beloved, and feels for her well-being at all times; to throw a clean towel into the dryer and pull it out just in time to wrap warmth around her as she steps out is a sign of love.

People give Muslims a hard time when it comes to the oppression of our women and the strictness of our men, but their ignorance could not lead them any further from the truth. As true men, and loyal women, we care for each other on a level that is far more superior than any nation has before us due to the framework revealed to us by Allah the All Mighty. She lays in bed, clueless of his intentions, he approaches, close, real close. He desires to make love to her, but the root of his desire is as selfless as can be; it is her pleasure that he desires, second to his own. To live love, is to be unselfish to each other; there is no need to ‘take’ when both lovingly ‘give’.

She is your weakness. With a simple touch your beloved can cause your heart to stop, your breathing to cease, and your muscles to fade in strength. With a word she can break through your emotional barriers, and unlock channels of confession. When she is away you hurt, you suffer, and long for her return.

She is your strength. For her safety there is no death you would not face. For her happiness there is no job too large, nor a task too small. When she is with you, by your side, your flame of life burns with a glow bright enough to light up the skies. A sense of security that everything will be OK fills your heart by her uttering your name directly into your ear. To live love is strength.

These are but a few of many signs one may witness from love.

Note: It is important to note that there is no love greater than the love for Allah and his Prophets (peace be upon them). My writing is specifically relating to the love between a husband and wife as ’secondary’ to that of which Allah has guided us upon. Everything said by me that is wrong is from me, and everything that is good / correct is from Allah and his messenger (peace be upon him). I ask Allah to forgive me if I have erred in any way.

Dear Readers,

You all have partaken with me upon this journey of ups and (many) downs a piece of the experienced emotional chaos. The last few days have been difficult and painful in ways I could not have imagined, nor do I wish such an experience upon anyone, but what does not kill us only makes us stronger. I honestly reached bottom’s end; I lost sight of my goals, dreams, and aspirations in life due to emotional hurt. Yesterday I reached the pit of this suffering, but only to climb back up hours later (with all praises due to Allah). I received a letter yesterday – from someone who extremely hurt me unknowingly and innocently I’m sure – sending me to this bottomless pit of darkness within my heart, yet it planted that seed of much needed strength and realization of who I am.

I thank her for the letter, and although I wanted to respond at great length to explain a lot of wrongful assumptions on her part, it was clear to me that it would bring no value to anyone (anymore). We all live, love, and die, only to be remembered by our words and actions. The way we live is clearly a will granted to us by Allah as He specifically mentions in Surat Al-Kahf “Whosoever wills shall believe…”, and therefore I choose with regards to love, to LIVE IT (God Willing). Up until last night I had given up on love and this notion of it being mutual with another human being at a level only known to few.

I still believe in loving a woman unconditionally and irrevocably, with the only condition from my side being that she practice a matching love (if she feels it). I still believe. I have previously claimed defeat in my purpose and will to live love; consider this an awakening of sort. Therefore I have decided to pick myself up once again, move forward, and set upon myself some goals to accomplish while on this journey of living love:

• Finish my Book “Scribbler’s Book of Love” by Summer of 2010 (God willing)
• Finish “Scribbler’s Lullaby” ASAP and possibly sing it a capella (not sure about the singing part yet, may have someone else do the singing)
• Not settle for anything in life so long as I don’t have to (God willing). I will marry (God willing), and although I’m being pressed on multiple fronts, I will only do it on the foundational stones to love. [Foundational Stones to Love are currently being defined in my book]
• Continue to write and share my stories with the world. I know there are others facing difficulties and hardships in this life far more excruciating than my own – I ask Allah to ease their sufferings – but for those whom I can be of benefit to through my own experiences, I will be here (God willing). I know for a fact that through my writing, although I have benefited tremendously from your comments, others have benefited (alhamdulilah) as well.

In addition to those goals, I have a lot more to accomplish in the next two years (God willing), but in terms of Living Love, those will suffice for now. It’s important that prior to involving another in our lives to love and be loved by, that we – truly – know ourselves, we all learn a little more about ourselves every day and will continue to learn till the end of our time on this earth, but it is important to build that solid base of knowing our selves before expecting others to. I can surely and undoubtedly say that I have lost the only woman I’ve ever truly loved; my heart, my soul, my best friend, my everything. Yet, I accept? How does one allow and accept losing the most precious of jewels? Scribbler in his basic form would most surely reject the notion of ‘letting go’ of someone he loved more than life, the last two years speak for themselves, but now, I’ve learned (or taught myself rather) to ‘let go’ thanks to yesterday’s letter.

I still believe, I won’t give up on Love, will not lose my trust in this Power, this is just another lesson to be learned, another obstacle to be faced, I still believe in Love… my Love. I simply haven’t found her – the one – yet.

-Scribbler