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Dear Readers,

You all have partaken with me upon this journey of ups and (many) downs a piece of the experienced emotional chaos. The last few days have been difficult and painful in ways I could not have imagined, nor do I wish such an experience upon anyone, but what does not kill us only makes us stronger. I honestly reached bottom’s end; I lost sight of my goals, dreams, and aspirations in life due to emotional hurt. Yesterday I reached the pit of this suffering, but only to climb back up hours later (with all praises due to Allah). I received a letter yesterday – from someone who extremely hurt me unknowingly and innocently I’m sure – sending me to this bottomless pit of darkness within my heart, yet it planted that seed of much needed strength and realization of who I am.

I thank her for the letter, and although I wanted to respond at great length to explain a lot of wrongful assumptions on her part, it was clear to me that it would bring no value to anyone (anymore). We all live, love, and die, only to be remembered by our words and actions. The way we live is clearly a will granted to us by Allah as He specifically mentions in Surat Al-Kahf “Whosoever wills shall believe…”, and therefore I choose with regards to love, to LIVE IT (God Willing). Up until last night I had given up on love and this notion of it being mutual with another human being at a level only known to few.

I still believe in loving a woman unconditionally and irrevocably, with the only condition from my side being that she practice a matching love (if she feels it). I still believe. I have previously claimed defeat in my purpose and will to live love; consider this an awakening of sort. Therefore I have decided to pick myself up once again, move forward, and set upon myself some goals to accomplish while on this journey of living love:

  • Finish my Book “Scribbler’s Book of Love” by Summer of 2010 (God willing)
  • Finish “Scribbler’s Lullaby” ASAP and possibly sing it a capella (not sure about the singing part yet, may have someone else do the singing)
  • Not settle for anything in life so long as I don’t have to (God willing). I will marry (God willing), and although I’m being pressed on multiple fronts, I will only do it on the foundational stones to love. [Foundational Stones to Love are currently being defined in my book]
  • Continue to write and share my stories with the world. I know there are others facing difficulties and hardships in this life far more excruciating than my own – I ask Allah to ease their sufferings – but for those whom I can be of benefit to through my own experiences, I will be here (God willing). I know for a fact that through my writing, although I have benefited tremendously from your comments, others have benefited (alhamdulilah) as well.

In addition to those goals, I have a lot more to accomplish in the next two years (God willing), but in terms of Living Love, those will suffice for now. It’s important that prior to involving another in our lives to love and be loved by, that we – truly – know ourselves, we all learn a little more about ourselves every day and will continue to learn till the end of our time on this earth, but it is important to build that solid base of knowing our selves before expecting others to. I can surely and undoubtedly say that I have lost the only woman I’ve ever truly loved; my heart, my soul, my best friend, my everything. Yet, I accept? How does one allow and accept losing the most precious of jewels? Scribbler in his basic form would most surely reject the notion of ‘letting go’ of someone he loved more than life, the last two years speak for themselves, but now, I’ve learned (or taught myself rather) to ‘let go’ thanks to yesterday’s letter.

I still believe, I won’t give up on Love, will not lose my trust in this Power, this is just another lesson to be learned, another obstacle to be faced, I still believe in Love… my Love. I simply haven’t found her – the one – yet.

-Scribbler

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