I mentioned in my previous post that I will try to practice ‘clearing my mind’ in order to focus on any particular matter that needs to be addressed; amazed am I at how soon thereafter I benefited. One of the many threads of thought troubling me was that of one lingering between my heart and mind; the thought of a woman I am / was in love with. After clearing my mind and reseting my senses I was able to blow away some of the clouds affecting my vision, and focus.
Why not now?
Too Many Mind
Last night I was chatting online with one of my readers about having a mind block when I flipped open my laptop to scribble, and although she tried to help me with some ideas on topics to write about, I simply was not feeling IT. All night – although blank when it came to writing – my mind was racing with thoughts, worries, and stressful emotions; overwhelming surges in the mind can shut a person down completely. Is the mind something we can control, I mean truly control? They say we only utilize at most 10% of our brain’s potential. Within the 10% of power all I require is that I’m able to control levels of stress and emotional suffering. To an extent, I believe we can do a lot more than simply control those levels; practice is needed and that’s all. All my life have I suffered from emotional sensitivity; something I admit is a weakness within my character.
Sleepless Nights
The last few weeks have been restless, sleepless, and lonely for me. What is it that causes a man to endlessly toss and turn at night, and not be able to doze off into a sleepy wonderland? Long has it been since I’ve been able to embrace a pillow and close my eyes with a frownless face. Long has it been since my body felt a strong heart beat. Tonight I want to sleep and dream; dream of better days to come (God willing).
I have never felt like wanting to be a little boy held close to the chest of a loving woman. To feel safe, secure, and loved is a peaceful state I wish to experience tonight, if only for a moment.
Oh night, will you let me sleep tonight?
The Art of Love
How similar love is to a painting, a poem, a sculpture, or any other form of art. Have we not splashed colors into the life of our love? Do we not swoon our love with words that strike the heart? Do we not mold her life for the better? Do the best works of art not have an inspiration or a story behind it? Such are the artistic expression of love; art in its purest and most expressive form inspired by the one you love. Everyone has a painting or another of love, but only few have produced what may be called a master piece of Love.
Some works of art last through the tests of time, others however have crumbled and faded away into a vague mosaic of bits and pieces. It is the former we all aim to achieve as artists of Love; an artistic relationship of Love. If we approach loving the one we hold so dear to our hearts as artists, you will find that just like art, our hearts and minds function as one to form a blend of creative, beautiful, and loving experiences.
Love Her for Allah
I was reading through some ahadeeth (sayings of the Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him), when I came across this:
The Prophet said, “Whoever possesses the following three qualities will have the sweetness (delight) of faith:
- The one to whom Allah and His Apostle becomes dearer than anything else.
- Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah’s sake.
- Who hates to revert to Atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the fire.”
Jihad against Love
Lover's Gaze
But just like any Jihad, it must be performed with righteous intentions & purpose in our hearts to attain a sweet reward. Allah knows of my intentions, and the purposes are many; I respect and honor her and her family’s wishes, I know that although this is a battle that requires sacrifice on my part, the reward (God Willing) shall be great whether attained in this life or the next, and finally the purpose of hope, hope to love and be loved in a manner pleasing to Allah.
Signs of Love
This morning before heading to work I decided to sit and read a piece on the signs of love written by a scholar of the past (Ibn Hazm rahimahullah), and so it inspired me to write a brief contribution on what I believe some signs of love may be. This may also serve as a tool to others to determine where they lie on the spectrum of Love with their partner; love can range from simply caring about a person or a stranger’s well being just as we all do for not only our brothers and sisters in Islam, but even our brothers and sisters in humanity, to a soaring love that blinds you from everything and everyone around you with the exception of your beloved, where nothing else in this world matters but their utmost happiness. These signs of love refer to the latter end of the spectrum.
I Still BELIEVE
Dear Readers,
You all have partaken with me upon this journey of ups and (many) downs a piece of the experienced emotional chaos. The last few days have been difficult and painful in ways I could not have imagined, nor do I wish such an experience upon anyone, but what does not kill us only makes us stronger. I honestly reached bottom’s end; I lost sight of my goals, dreams, and aspirations in life due to emotional hurt. Yesterday I reached the pit of this suffering, but only to climb back up hours later (with all praises due to Allah). I received a letter yesterday – from someone who extremely hurt me unknowingly and innocently I’m sure – sending me to this bottomless pit of darkness within my heart, yet it planted that seed of much needed strength and realization of who I am.
Never take anyone for granted
You’re with me
Til the bitter end
What we had transcends
This experience
Too painful to
Talk about
So I’ll hold it in
Til my heart can mend
And be brave enough to love again
A place in time
Still belongs to us
Stays preserved in my mind
In the memories there is solace
But a dream…
I’ll keep this short insha’Allah. Dreams don’t always come true. I know now that the dream I recently had was nothing more than a sub-conscious hope deep within my soul. I will end my journey as Muslim Scribbler today and move on with a more ‘realistic’ approach to life; I announce my defeat to all the logicians and critics whom I no longer have the will nor the energy to prove wrong. The only person I will never give up for is my child, and for my child I shall move on for his / her benefit without any regard for my fairy-tale dreams.
I just wanted to thank everyone who supported me during this journey; if there ever was a voice that remained constant and true in their support for me, it was the voice of my readers. I thank you all for reading what I had to say when no one else could have really understood if it were to come from my real-life identity. May Allah bless you all, and bring an all-encompassing love into your loves; may your dreams come true.
p.s. MuslimScribbler.com will be up for a few more months before I take everything down insha’Allah.
Your brother,
Muslim Scribbler
Scribbler on 
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